#2

Last week, A's office had a shower for us and 3 other couples who had babies. I am certain that A did not share with any of his coworkers our IF struggles and our eventual method of conception. So you can probably imagine how hard I had to work to hide my annoyance when we got hit with the slew of "When are you going to have another?" Actually, we have been asked this question throughout my pregnancy. We usually give the evasive, "We'll play it by ear." It's really not an easy question for us to answer.


Our fresh IVF cycle blessed us with a beautiful son and one totsicle in deep freeze. When our RE called to give us our report on our remaining embryos after our transfer, he said that only one embryo made it to freeze. He said it didn't look like it would make it, but it continued to grow and turned out to be a grade 4 (the grade that got me pregnant). I am a little disconcerted by the "didn't look like it would make it" part. OK, it semi-haunts me. What is that supposed to mean?


The rate of success for thaw is 2 out of 3. The odds of that embryo getting me pregnant is about 25%. This embryo is technically a fraternal twin to Ben, although with a different birthdate, obviously. But I am not exactly counting on Ben having a sibling because those odds reek of crapshoot.



A few months ago at work, I had a conversation with a patient's family member that made me think about this issue. I am not sure why people feel they can be so nosy with nurses, or why they feel the need to reveal so much about themselves. But on this particular day I was game. She began by asking about my pregnancy and I let her know it is our first baby. She said that she has a daughter herself, who is now college age, and never had more children because she had a bicornuate uterus and it was hard for her to get pregnant. She said that she herself is an only child, which never bothered her until she began taking care of her parents. It's just her that bears that difficult burden. Not only does she help with care for her own father, she does the same for her husband's family. I hate the thought of B bearing that responsibility solo.

One of the babies at the shower was approaching her first birthday. The office never had a shower for the couple because the baby was born two months early, and both mother and baby had some health issues to overcome. I kept looking at her and thinking what a miracle she must be. I also thought how terrified the parents must have been. I have had a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy and it was all so perfect. Not for one single second do I take that for granted. I fear not having a similar experience with a second go-round.

There is also the fact that we would have to pay again to conceive. Our insurance does not cover fertility treatments, so we will again face hefty out of pocket costs. The FET for our remaining embryo will cost about 1/3 of our IVF cycle. Even then it isn't exactly chump change. I am not certain that I'd be willing to go through another IVF cycle if the FET doesn't result in a pregnancy. We do alright financially, but we have to give thought to where we spend our money. Do we give Ben the gift of a sibling, or set that money aside for his college ambitions so he's not paying back loans for years like we had to do? I am willing to bet all those folks that ask about #2 never had to consider these things themselves.

One thing is certain. Whether or not there is a sibling in the future, I know that we will always have Ben. I will never be disappointed with that.