NT scan

I had my NT scan today, and the measurements looked good. And it gave me a very long time to have a solid look at our baby. I think it's head is huge like my husband's. It is measuring ahead (I am 11w6d today and he measured 12w3d).

And that's right. I said he. The peri asked if I wanted to know the gender, but I didn't want to know before my husband did. Doc also said he was about only 80-85% sure of the gender. So they actually wrote it down and put it in a sealed envelope. And yes, I really did not look. We opened it together and it said BOY! We are thrilled.

Best appointment ever!

Woohoo! Finally some good news. Went to the OB today for a baby check. Baby's HR was 153 or thereabouts. At first, it was sleeping but we woke it up and it put on a show for us. It started wiggling around, so we could see both arms and legs, and were able to count fingers on both hands. We actually have a very nice shot of one little hand and four distinct fingers and a thumb, but we lack a scanner. It boggles my mind that there is so much movement going on in there that I don't even feel. To boot, there was no dildocam; just the abdominal scan. No disrobing or invading of intimate body parts. And no fee!

Also, there are a number of things I could have taken this weekend to help with my wretched cold had I made a simple phone call. Tyle.nol products are safe, as long as one doesn't take Tylenol PM and take Bena.dryl on top of that, for example. Robi.tussin is also safe, in addition to clar.itin. I suffered needlessly.

I also got my nag on and made A go grocery shopping and pick up a humidifier before he went to play golf. Managed to take a 2 hour nap with the dorky little Hel.lo Kit.ty humidifier spouting mist from her ears. She looked mighty pissed off, but did me a world of good.

Still not going back to work

So, it seems I am being kicked while I am down. I picked up a cold on Friday night and I have felt like ass ever since.

So, I have had little to do except surf the internet for baby and pregnancy paraphernalia. Maternity models really are aliens, because nobody has thighs like this when they are pregnant. Certainly this is a photoshopped belly if I have ever seen one.

So much for returning to work

I was at work all of 5 minutes before I became a puddle of tears. I cried 3 times between the parking garage and the door to work. Then all it took was someone asking me how I was doing and the tears came rolling. Ugh. It is so much easier when people aren't nice to you. I really thought I was doing OK yesterday and was looking forward to returning to work. My asst mgr thought I was nuts for trying to return to work today anyway, so she let me go home. It is very easy to feel okay when you don't have to talk to anyone about things, eh?

OK for now

Thanks for the support, ladies. It is so nice to visit and see all of your kind-hearted messages. This definitely wasn't the way we wanted things to turn out, but I suppose we have to roll with the punches.

First and foremost, Baby A is doing well. Lots of movement and a good HR at 170.

The RE was a pretty huffy because I had made the appt with the OB before I was released. Harumph. I guess he didn't want too many hands mixing the pot, so to speak. Perhaps he lost a vacation in Tahiti for referring his 100th patient to Dr. So and so. Whatev. I felt bad for irking him. He is usually so calm, but I suppose I will get over it. I had rather good reasons for making the OB appt when I did: referral from a friend (who herself is a physician, so it's not like she is a medical schlump), the physician's preference for the first appt to be between 9-11 weeks, my desire for an NT scan (which can only be done between 11 and 13 weeks, so I didn't want to wait to be released to make the initial appt, which would take who knows how long to get in, possibly losing that window of opportunity), preference of the NICU of the OB's delivering hospital, etc. I suppose I am a typical girl and feel bad for pissing someone off, but I am going to get over it. I will, however, miss their fancy US machine that lets me plug in a jump drive to download baby pics.

Anyhoo, the important information gleaned was this: there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. Usually when this happens, there is some sort of issue with chromosomes. The chance for miscarriage is now down to 5 %, and with another US that shows movement and HR the risk goes down to 1-2%. So it looks like right now I have a 95% chance to have a healthy singleton pregnancy. I'd say those are pretty good odds.

Also, he talked about the FET and the odds of it's success. The successful thaw rate is two out of three, and the odds of that embryo getting me pregnant is 25%. Of course, there is no rush to do that. He does want to see me 3 months after I have the baby to wrap things up.

Two things they did differently at the OB that had not been done at the RE until today was 1) weigh me, depressing as that is and 2) do a urinalysis (still not done at the RE). Not that I was getting neglectful care or anything, since really, an US gives us the best pic of what is going on. I suppose I was just noticing the difference between the RE world and the OB world.

Bad News

We lost our Baby B.

I made an appointment with an OB that came highly recommended from a friend of mine. This particular doc delivered several of my friends' babies and they all loved him. He prefers to see his patients between 9-11 weeks, so I was double-dipping before I was really released from the RE. We introduced, gave him all of our info, told him about the IVF and the twins, etc. Then came the ultrasound. Baby A looked perfect. It was very active, and the heartbeat was very strong (160's) and very visible. Before he really said anything, I could tell there was something wrong with Baby B. It didn't appear to be moving, and we couldn't see a heartbeat. So the doc seemed to be looking around for a few minutes before he confirmed what I thought I saw. There was no heartbeat for Baby B, and there didn't appear to be any growth since the last US with my RE. It seemed the baby was measuring about 9 weeks, which means it must have passed shortly after my last US. For the first time ever (and we have been together for 10 years), I saw tears in my husband's eyes.

The doc and his medical assistant handled this difficult situation very well. They both hugged me immediately and gave us all the time we needed. I think we definitely made the right choice for an OB, even if I made a lousy first impression. One thing that I like is that he takes his own call, which means he answers his calls and delivers my baby and not a partner in his practice.

So, what to do? Nothing really. He said the twin will likely be absorbed (Vanishing Twin Syndrome). And of course, we wouldn't want to disturb the twin that is doing well. When our baby is delivered we can test the placenta to see what went wrong. I go back to the RE Thursday for my originally scheduled appt. I did call the RE's office to confess to my double dipping and let them know of our findings. They offered their condolences and let me know that they want to see me Thursday.

My hubby has been rather wonderful. He has been reading the ridiculous names from a baby name book in an effort to cheer me up. He has provided me with food and drink all day and has done all of our laundry since we just got back from out of town. He has also given lots of hugs and support. He has also been focusing on the positive, but giving me the space to grieve like I need. We have told our immediate family, and of course, they have been sad but supportive.

I am so grateful that we have one baby that appears to be thriving. But I am so nervous that we will lose that one also. The OB wants to see me Monday, again. I think the plan was to go over normal OB stuff today, but things changed rather rapidly. Had he attempted to go over normal OB stuff, I wouldn't have remembered anything anyway.

I am definitely mourning the loss of having twins. I was so looking forward to having two babies who would always have a playmate and companion. I had lots of daydreams about how our life would be with twins: how we'd arrange our nursery, how we'd manage to go to the grocery store with two kids the same age, how we'd manage to do anything with two kids the same age, etc. I read through my twin pregnancy books in eager anticipation of what to expect, how to best meet the babies' nutritional needs, how to bond with them once they were home. After two years of infertility, if anyone would be able to handle twins, certainly we could have done it. Quite frankly, I was really enjoying the novelty (at least in our world) of twins.

I know that I must really focus on the positive. I really am truly grateful for the baby that is doing well. I had also struggled with what to do with our one remaining snowbaby. I suppose I now have my answer.

It's been a while...

since I have been here. I had some nausea for a while, but the doc has been tapering me off of the prometrium and Estrace, so I think it is somewhat resolving. I had been on the PIO shots for up to the 7 week mark, IIRC. Then I stopped those and only took Estrace twice daily and Prometrium three times a day. Then it was Estrace once daily and Prometrium three times daily. Right now it is just Prometrium twice daily, and I will call this AM to find out if I can even lower that. I have also been plum exhausted from work, which kind of puts a damper on the blogging. There were definitely some days where it was all I could do to remain vertical.


Things are going well for us these days. I am at 9 weeks as of yesterday. We had a repeat US; Baby 1 had a HR of 179 and Baby 2 had a HR of 187. They also grew in size, and they are measuring on target! Whew! I am loving these two week US appts. Right when I start getting truly paranoid and thinking the worst, I get the reassurance I need. I don't know what I am going to do when it goes to a monthly type of thing.


For a while I really struggled with worrying about the pregnancy. I was always thinking the worst, and I hated myself for not enjoying things more. I have made up my mind to not spend my long-awaited pregnancy like a frazzled worrywart. I am doing everything I can to have a healthy pregnancy (except for eating fish--I just don't like it, so I take Fish Oil) so there is reassurance in that. I decided to celebrate yesterday by purchasing my first maternity shirt (on sale, even! --there is a shop in the building the doc's office is in) and a new bra. My current ones are just not cutting it. They are getting way to snug, and it really hurts to unsnap at the end of the day.

Hope all of you are doing well!