Raspy like an 80 year old smoker

I have had laryngitis since B was born. I had no drainage or soreness, so I didn't really do anything about it until recently because I was overwhelmed with newborn life. At my two week checkup, my OB said the rest my voice and drink peppermint tea with lemon and honey and hopefully it would go away in about 2 weeks. When that didn't happen, I got a referral to an internist. He thinks that I could have had silent reflux toward the end of my pregnancy as the cause of my laryngitis. He has put me on Prevaci.d for 3 weeks (in addition to Nasacort) and will reevaluate. He thought it might also be allergies, but it is really hard to tell. It seems my OB refers all his patients with issues to this guy, so it seems to be something he has seen a little of. He has said that he has referred patients to an ENT before, and they have scoped, told them they have reflux and put them on a proton pump inhibitor. So, hopefully skipping a $300 charge here. If it doesn't resolve, then he'll refer me to an ENT.

The internist also has an interest in insulin resistance, diabetes and weight control as it leads to heart disease. He also cross-trained in Med/Peds. It is possible I may be insulin resistant. He asked abut my glucose during pregnancy, and I let him know that I flunked the first glucose and passed the four hour. He said that I have some cherry hemagiomas (small pinkish-red ill-defined spots) on my chest that are a sign of insulin resistance. Of course, he has ordered labs drawn and all of that to see if that really is the case. He would like me to follow a moderate carb diet, 130 grams a day. He said that breastfeeding moms can follow the diet, but I am curious as to what my OB says. Truth is, I'd love to lose weight. I have 15 lbs to go from my pre-pregnancy weight. And that isn't counting the 20 lbs of marriage weight I have gained in the past 5 years. Scary, isn't it?

With these prescriptions comes paranoia. Everything I have googled on the internet says not to take Preva.cid while breastfeeding. My OB wasn't available, but I called my ped's office, and they have said that both meds prescribed are fine for breastfeeding. In fact, they prescribe Prev.acid for infants with reflux sometimes. Still, I can't help but worry.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas (if that is what you celebrate) and begin a wonderful New Year!

Life with a Newborn-One Month Old

bb and mtb gave me a good idea for a post: Life with a newborn.

I'm not gonna lie: the first two weeks sorta sucked. We were getting used to each other, attempting to figure out how this kid was going to get my milk, and then throw a holiday into the mix and it was meltdown city daily. Don't get me wrong; I love my son and I am in total awe of him. In some ways, it is almost hard to believe he is actually here and not a figment of my imagination. I felt really guilty that I wanted this baby for literally years and here I was complaining about how hard it was, of all things! And I am someone who had prepared for life after birth by reading lots of baby care books. It took a bit of time before I let go of the guilt and let myself acknowledge that it is OK to be frustrated while getting to know my son, it is OK to not know what to do and it is OK to cry and help those postpartum hormones work their way out of my system. It seems most new parents have experienced this frustration. But I felt that since it took us so long to achieve parenthood, I wasn't entitled to these NORMAL feelings. Things got so much better after I realized this.

After T-giving weekend, we had a week where A went back to work and I worked on handling this child. My mom was over 4 out of 5 workdays that week and it was great. It was great to have someone help us out with household chores, make us dinner, etc. Then A went out of town for work after my birthday so my mom stayed with me until he came home.

I managed to hurt her feelings, despite all the help she gave. Which of course, gives me a heaping dose of Catholic guilt. I have been working to get B on a schedule (sort of Ba.by W.ise-ing him--I like the plan but could do without some of his personal commentary in the book) and trying to sleep train him since I am planning to return to work. I got bent out of shape when he sort of fussed, didn't cry and she went to pick him up instead of let him fall back to sleep like he usually does. We were going to the pediatrician and I was hoping to feed him a little closer to the appt in order to have a peaceful appt and ride to and fro. I apologized and all, and we got over it. Sigh...... I know I've got control issues.

B eats about every 2.5-3 hours starting around 7 am give or take. Then there is a sort of activity time where he is alert and we "play" as much as one can with a month old child and then it's time for a nap. This repeats itself all day long. For a while, I was setting an alarm to get up at night to feed him, but I don't anymore. I let him wake me up, which he does about every 3.5-4 hours at night. It has taken some time, but I think we are starting to figure each other out. I am getting better at telling if he is tired vs. hungry, hungry vs. gassy, etc. There have been a few rough nights where he fussed for a pretty long time and I got extremely frustrated, but those a few and far between. We had our one month check up and he is up to 10 lbs 14 oz and grew another half inch in length. Woohoo! I suppose we are doing something right.

I have loved watching his development! He is definitely more interactive now, tracking objects and sounds, etc. He loves to just wiggle around on his back, and tolerates tummy time alright. I think he smiled intentionally at me today, which I have read they don't do until around 6 weeks. Clearly he is a genius! I love looking at his sweet little face while he sleeps. His expression goes from a giant smile to extreme frown with furrowed brow to eyes rolling to the back of his head (which freaks me out, btw). I also love his little noises he makes: grunting when he is first trying to feed, cooing while he is lying on his back staring at the ceiling fan, contented sigh while he is falling asleep.



Daytime television is disappointing at best. I am pissed beyond belief that Jeopa.rdy! has been moved from its delightful afternoon time to nearly midnight. I usually watch H.GTV or F.ood Network for background noise unless there is something more worthwhile on. A insists on playing E.SPN and Go.lf channel when he is around. We don't let B watch tv, but A thinks he will be a pro-golfer since he is learning the game by osmosis. By the way, I have had laryngitis since about 2-3 days after he was born. I don't have any soreness or any drainage, so it doesn't seem to be an infection. I was told to rest my voice and drink peppermint tea with lemon and honey and it should go away in 2 weeks. We'll see. I'm pretty tired of this, because I am dying to talk to my friends instead of IM or text. Am getting a bit of cabin fever too. But it has been cold down here (for Texas, people) and it is RSV season to boot, and I am superparanoid.



Our house is a mess now that my mom isn't here to clean for us. It definitely looks like we have a small child! We've got a pack n play, swing and bouncer crowding our living room. There are piles and piles of mail everywhere and it is nothing short of a miracle that I found time to pay bills. There are also piles and piles of laundry everywhere. I have no idea how I will ever cook a real meal ever again. Time seems to fly right out the window, and most of my very small goals (such as eliminating one small pile of paper/junk mail, writing overdue thank you notes) do not get met.



My husband was awesome for the first two weeks. He is now back at work and had quite a bit of catching up to do. He is able to work from home a lot, but I try to manage mostly without him because come the new year, I really will be on my own during the day until I return to work. That somewhat backfired on me, because he started whining about changing diapers, saying that he needed "help." I told him he needed "practice." He does what I ask him to do, but it requires pointing out, i.e. nagging. I have insisted that he handle him in the evening so that I can shower and have a little time to myself. That short amount of time to myself has done wonders for my sanity.



So, if you are expecting your own little miracle expect:

• to have a decided lack of sleep (duh)


• profound joy


• a messy house


• setbacks to your best laid plans


• to bicker with your husband


• to cry at the drop of a hat for the first two weeks, maybe more


• to be irritated at just about everyone, no matter how helpful they might be
• to experience very labile emotions (or is it just me?)
• to be challenged by breastfeeding
• plenty of unwanted assvice

Insist on:

• a daily shower


• family (or whomever you have helping you) helping with more than just the baby.


• some small amount of time to yourself.

If I don't get to drop back in here, I hope all of you have a great holiday season!

Pictures!

Can I just say how much I love his little face? It makes it easy to be a proud mom.

On a side note, my MIL wants to have Christmas dinner at her house this year. I feel like Joh.nny Dr.ama on Ent.ourage: "VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'll Be Damned

It is actually snowing in Houston. It is such a freak occurrence down here that A told me to video it.

Growing, update and b!tch session

Well, it seems I/we am/are doing something right. Our son has grown 2.5 inches and is up 3 oz. from his birth weight at his two week checkup. Hooray for the nipple shield! Ben's jaundice is now completely resolved (thanks for asking, B!). We are so fortunate.

I had heard about this on the today show, but wanted to post this article link.

I also wanted to add that I am so tickled that Ben and Eli share the same birthday. I can't wait for our little IVF miracles to have their first lunch date.

I am also excited today because Baby Steps to Baby Shoes' child will be born today. I am so thrilled for them. I am literally sitting around waiting to get the joyous email announcing this birth.


Things are going far better this week. B is eating like a champ, I am no longer crying at the drop of a hat, and Thanksgiving weekend is over and the onslaught of visitors has slowed to a trickle and a few phone calls.

I am pretty big on personal space. I about lost my shit this past weekend when:

• my MIL came by to pick up my BIL (who was visiting from out of town and staying at her place) and asked if her girlfriend could come in and see our baby at 10:30 PM.
• My MIL returned to San Antonio Sunday and my BIL assumed he'd be staying with us since his flight back home was not until 12/2. I had an outright hissy fit because with a 12 day old infant and postpartum hormones, I was not ready for a houseguest. Nor was I ready to run upstairs and hide each time B needed to eat. I am still anemic from the blood loss, not to mention still enduring some back pain and get worn out when I overdo it. My husband finally saw the light. Thank goodness.
• MIL and BIL wanted A (and myself as well) to go to brunch with them Saturday, which was fine. My mom was available to stay with me since I was really not ready to be solo with Ben, nor was I ready to go out to lunch. Then A comes back from brunch asking if my mom could stay around so that they could go to dinner as well. My mom is a bit of a fuddy-duddy and doesn't like to drive late at night. So he asked if it would be OK if SIL came over so I wasn't alone. I was not comfortable bossing around an 8 month pregnant SIL. Nor was I comfortable showing her my tits, as the major thing I needed help with at the time was breastfe.eding. I was rather pissed that his family was putting him in the position of feeling torn between visiting with them and staying with us to take care of our needs. Ultimately, he wound up staying at home that night after another hissy fit on my part. Did I mention yet that A is attending a conference next week and will be staying with BIL for 5 days? Plenty of brotherly bonding time then, IMHO.

Not sure if I was overreacting to some of that, but I am fairly certain I wasn't. I think the postpartum hormones (such a powerful thing, really) have equilibrated somewhat. It also helps that my mom has come around on a near daily basis to make us dinner, wash our clothes, etc. It is wonderful because she helps me how I want to be helped, not how she thinks I need to be helped. I am glad my personal space is now my own again.

My recovery was just fine, though I am anemic from the blood loss. I can still feel it a bit when I have to run up and down the stairs too much. My incision doesn't bother me so much, but my back does. Perhaps I am guarding. My neighbor lent me her abdominal binder and it really helps.

Baby Ben had newborn jaundice. It was superfun because my milk had not come in and he was eating like a champ. One night he nursed for over 100 minutes during one session. He was not peeing or pooping an adequate amount, and he was a very drowsy feeder. It was a monumental effort to get this kid to wake up and eat. After many tears, heaving sobs (I know. Seriously) and a lot of guilt, I caved and gave him formula. Turns out, it is NOT the end of the world!

I did really want him to have mostly breastmilk, so our ped recommended that I pump every two hours during the day and every three at night until the jaundice resolved and he began to have good output. After 48 hours of this I was pretty exhausted and eager to return to the boob. Except the kid refused to nurse. At my last lactation consult, I was given a nipple shield to use. So he is now at the boob, but won't take my nip. While using the shield, I was told that it can diminish my supply (it is harder for him to nurse with this than it is my actual breast) so I should continue to pump while using it. I also need to keep a strict I&O on him for this reason. It is supposed to be a short-term solution, only to be used for a week or so. We shall see. I have read on a message board that some have used it for weeks, even months, and some even the whole time they breastfeed. I hope he transitions soon.

Ben has gotten a bit fussy at times and refuses to sleep, and for some reason, it is only when A picks him up that it stops. Totally makes me feel inadequate.

Anyhoo, hopefully there will be a more coherent post from me in the future, possibly with a new pic of Ben.