Confession

Yesterday morning, my nursiness grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let go until I went shopping. I am a little hung up on this heart-shaped/bicornuate uterus thing. I am still feeling really positive about this cycle, but I also feel that I won't breathe a sigh of relief until the baby is born.

When I had my HSG in October, my doc mentioned, almost in passing, that I had a heart-shaped uterus. He said that it shouldn't affect my chances of conceiving, and is sometimes considered a normal variant. That was the end of it. Like it was no big deal. So I didn't give it much thought.

Dr. Google says otherwise though. There is a risk of preterm labor and Intrauterine growth retardation (IUGR) due to a lack of "room" in the uterus. This is why my RE would never put back more than two embryos. There is also an increased risk of the baby being breech, therefore increasing the risk of C-section. The C-section bit doesn't bother me too much; I have long since given up any dreams of a particular type of birth and will, of course, opt for what is best for the baby. There are some women who have normal healthy pregnancies with this wonky shaped uterus. Sometimes it is not diagnosed until a woman has had multiple miscarriages. Ugh. So, it seems it is kind of a crapshoot. I suppose I need to leap one hurdle before I start worrying about the next.

To ease my pain, I did go shopping for a new dress and shoes for a couple of events we have coming up. The dress is actually much much cuter on my fuller figure than on that skinny model. ;)

And my shoes are pretty kickass too. And they look awesome on my feet with my little red toes. Nothing like a little retail therapy to help one temporarily forget about reproductive woes.

Why are the pics of my purchased items up there and not down where I am talking about my shopping? Because I am technologically challenged and can't figure out how to move them. Get over it. ;)

Greg, Peter, Bobby, Marcia, Jan and Cindy

That would be the names of the SIX eggs (now embryos) that fertilized. Whee!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's corny, but it seemed perfect for this particular quantity.

Embryo transfer will be on Monday at 1 PM. Keep the thoughts, prayers and good vibes rolling this way, if you don't mind. I promise you'll get back what you give!

7 is my lucky number!

So, Egg Retrieval was today. We got there at 0630. I changed, emptied my bladder and got my IV started. A was in the room with me when they did it. They gave me the Versed and it was like an instantaneous buzz. I had my glasses off, so things were blurry to begin with, but then they were really blurry. I don't remember anything, maybe some mild discomfort during.

The table had the leg holders instead of the stirrups for feet. Don't judge me; it was pretty comfortable! Then I recovered for about an hour, and now I am home waiting on my honey to bring me the heating pad. I think I have to start my estrace and prometrium vaginal pills. Yay. Will be calling after 11 AM for the fertilization report.

I was just so happy that A told me about the 7 eggs. I didn't think that we'd be getting more than 4. Feeling a bit better about things.

I can't say thank you enough for all the warm wishes! I think it helps for sure!

Preggos Abound

My husband and I are planning on taking a trip to Pinehurst in North Carolina in April with some friends of ours. The men can play the golf of their dreams and D and I can hit the spa.

In making our plans, we were discussing some of the treatment options. The spa does not recommend a massage or body treatment unless you are at least 12 weeks along in your pregnancy. This limits my treatments because I certainly have grand plans to be pregnant after this cycle. She said, "I wonder why that is." I asked if that was a concern of hers, and she finally fessed up. She had been holding out on telling me because a) she was just getting around to being comfortable telling others and b) she didn't want it to change things between us. We talk about a myriad of things, including my treatment, the difficulty I have attending baby showers, the frequency of our husbands' golf excursions, etc. I promised her I'd continue to whine about going to baby showers (unless it was her own).

I am genuinely happy for them (their first). I am rather proud that I didn't curl up in a ball for an hour after I got off the phone like I did when my other good friend told me she was pregnant with their second. [Britney]I'm growin', ya'll! [/Britney] I guess I am just glad that my good friends don't have to go through my personal hell.

I have been feeling really positive today. I think it is the support from my friends who are so positive for me (IRL and online) when I have doubts. They have been telling me that they
"just have a feeling" that things are going to go our way with this. I certainly want to believe that! My acupuncturist said he was willing to bet that I'd have a very good egg quality. He thought that my response to the meds was good, even if I didn't make the "2 dozen" follicle mark. 4 out of my 10 follicles were a pretty good size, compared to some of his other patients that have lots of small follicles but really only a couple of good sized eggs. In Chinese medicine they tell a lot from looking at your tongue. They can tell if you are dehydrated, have a lot of "heat" from the stims, etc. He said that mine looked good; not red, not swollen, not dry, well-rested. This sounded good to me, and I'm going to run with it.

I hope we are blessed with this cycle. I hope our baby(ies) get to have playmates in my two best friends' kids. I hope that I get to share this milestone with them. It would surely hurt to have two girls in my inner sanctum pregnant and be left behind again. I pray I am not tempting fate by writing that.

We are ready for Retrieval!!!

At today's meeting with the dildocam (I really wish I could capture the look on my husband's face when he sees that thing--it's really funny), we discovered that I have 4 follicles that are 18-20mm. The doc said that he was looking for a minimum of two follicles that were in the 18 range, so I at least exceed the minimum criteria. :) The rest of the follicles were in the 14-16 range, and some even smaller than that. I was relieved to hear we made the measurement cut. It was a terrifying time waiting to see what the dildocam revealed.

Just got the call back from the IVF coordinator, and she said that my hormone levels are good, so we are on target for retrieval on Wednesday. I am taking my Ovidrel full strength dose tonight at 7 pm. A and I also begin the doxycycline tonight. Then on Wednesday I have to go to the IVF lab at 0630 for retrieval at 0700. Whee!

After retrieval, I begin prometrium and estrace vaginally, and then of course, the PIO shots. I got the warning about the lovely blue-green discharge I'd be having. I also have a dose of Medrol to begin the day before embryo transfer.

The nurse taught A how to give the shots. He looked a little disappointed when he realized there was some sort of coordination involved. He thought he was just going to be able to whack me on the butt and shove in the plunger. He has definitely been looking forward to stabbing me a little too much.

We hear about the fertilization on Thursday sometime after 11 AM. Again, I am having this feeling of being simultaneously exhilarated and terrified.

On a happy note, I went to lunch and shopping with a girlfriend. We picked out invitations for a bachelorette party we are cohosting. We are having a party at Bath Junkie, where one gets to create the scents of their own bath products. We will have the dinner and shower there, and then go out for a night on the town after (except that I hope to be able to skip out on this part for a very good reason). That pretty much took up all of my time until I got home in the afternoon. I did pretty good with not being terrified until I got home since I had something to do all day. I have had some ideas of what I'd like to do with my time off, but I think I need to have a little more of a concrete plan so I don't scrap my to do list in favor of lurking on blogs and message boards all day. :)

Knocked up? Not me

Everyone has the one crazy friend that never grows up, still gets plastered at the bars every weekend and might have a long-term relationship but never settles down. Our version of this person IM'd my husband earlier this week and told him that his girlfriend is pregnant and that he will be getting married soon.

This guy gets to reproduce when he was absolutely LEAST expecting it and we have to pay to conceive. These things never fail to sting.

My Ovaries Are Painin'

Good news! My appointment today revealed a few more follicles. I have 5 on the right and 5 on the left. I can't remember the measurements, except that one on each side is a bit larger than the rest. So they gave me the Cetrotide today to give the smaller follicles a chance to catch up. They did alter my dosages a little today; I am still on 450 of Follistim but have been told to take 10 u Ovidrel microdose every other day. Forgot to pay attention to what my uterine lining was. I don't even know what my E2 and progesterone levels are. I am beginning to let go of this numbers thing a bit. It gives me less fuel by which to compare myself to others. Am definitely feeling some growth down there, so I guess I am calming down a bit. Also, many thanks to those of you that talked me off the ledge the other day. I am really zen-kaaron after all.

I think Follistim is giving me gigantic zits. I feel like I've got Mount Vesuvius on the back of my neck. And a couple more little monsters cropped up yesterday near by eyebrow. Ugh.

Our V-day dinner was nice. We went to a charming restaurant called DaMarco. Absolutely delicious. A had the beef ravioli appetizer, and I had a salad with prosciutto and fig crostini. For entrees, A had the filet on a bed of braised artichoke hearts and I had the black truffle risotto. A ordered a nice bottle of wine, and I let myself have about a tablespoon just to have a taste. Didn't put my ovaries to sleep like I feared it might! Woohoo! For dessert, I had the creme brulee with blood orange sorbetto and A had a flourless chocolate cake. Yummers all around.

Yesterday was my last day at work for 3 weeks. So I will be a lady of leisure. One cannot be a true lady of leisure without the perfect manicure and pedicure. So I am doing that today with my friend before going to a party tonight.

Why is spell check still not working? Seriously.