I'm not gonna lie: the first two weeks sorta sucked. We were getting used to each other, attempting to figure out how this kid was going to get my milk, and then throw a holiday into the mix and it was meltdown city daily. Don't get me wrong; I love my son and I am in total awe of him. In some ways, it is almost hard to believe he is actually here and not a figment of my imagination. I felt really guilty that I wanted this baby for literally years and here I was complaining about how hard it was, of all things! And I am someone who had prepared for life after birth by reading lots of baby care books. It took a bit of time before I let go of the guilt and let myself acknowledge that it is OK to be frustrated while getting to know my son, it is OK to not know what to do and it is OK to cry and help those postpartum hormones work their way out of my system. It seems most new parents have experienced this frustration. But I felt that since it took us so long to achieve parenthood, I wasn't entitled to these NORMAL feelings. Things got so much better after I realized this.
After T-giving weekend, we had a week where A went back to work and I worked on handling this child. My mom was over 4 out of 5 workdays that week and it was great. It was great to have someone help us out with household chores, make us dinner, etc. Then A went out of town for work after my birthday so my mom stayed with me until he came home.
I managed to hurt her feelings, despite all the help she gave. Which of course, gives me a heaping dose of Catholic guilt. I have been working to get B on a schedule (sort of Ba.by W.ise-ing him--I like the plan but could do without some of his personal commentary in the book) and trying to sleep train him since I am planning to return to work. I got bent out of shape when he sort of fussed, didn't cry and she went to pick him up instead of let him fall back to sleep like he usually does. We were going to the pediatrician and I was hoping to feed him a little closer to the appt in order to have a peaceful appt and ride to and fro. I apologized and all, and we got over it. Sigh...... I know I've got control issues.
B eats about every 2.5-3 hours starting around 7 am give or take. Then there is a sort of activity time where he is alert and we "play" as much as one can with a month old child and then it's time for a nap. This repeats itself all day long. For a while, I was setting an alarm to get up at night to feed him, but I don't anymore. I let him wake me up, which he does about every 3.5-4 hours at night. It has taken some time, but I think we are starting to figure each other out. I am getting better at telling if he is tired vs. hungry, hungry vs. gassy, etc. There have been a few rough nights where he fussed for a pretty long time and I got extremely frustrated, but those a few and far between. We had our one month check up and he is up to 10 lbs 14 oz and grew another half inch in length. Woohoo! I suppose we are doing something right.
I have loved watching his development! He is definitely more interactive now, tracking objects and sounds, etc. He loves to just wiggle around on his back, and tolerates tummy time alright. I think he smiled intentionally at me today, which I have read they don't do until around 6 weeks. Clearly he is a genius! I love looking at his sweet little face while he sleeps. His expression goes from a giant smile to extreme frown with furrowed brow to eyes rolling to the back of his head (which freaks me out, btw). I also love his little noises he makes: grunting when he is first trying to feed, cooing while he is lying on his back staring at the ceiling fan, contented sigh while he is falling asleep.
Daytime television is disappointing at best. I am pissed beyond belief that Jeopa.rdy! has been moved from its delightful afternoon time to nearly midnight. I usually watch H.GTV or F.ood Network for background noise unless there is something more worthwhile on. A insists on playing E.SPN and Go.lf channel when he is around. We don't let B watch tv, but A thinks he will be a pro-golfer since he is learning the game by osmosis. By the way, I have had laryngitis since about 2-3 days after he was born. I don't have any soreness or any drainage, so it doesn't seem to be an infection. I was told to rest my voice and drink peppermint tea with lemon and honey and it should go away in 2 weeks. We'll see. I'm pretty tired of this, because I am dying to talk to my friends instead of IM or text. Am getting a bit of cabin fever too. But it has been cold down here (for Texas, people) and it is RSV season to boot, and I am superparanoid.
Our house is a mess now that my mom isn't here to clean for us. It definitely looks like we have a small child! We've got a pack n play, swing and bouncer crowding our living room. There are piles and piles of mail everywhere and it is nothing short of a miracle that I found time to pay bills. There are also piles and piles of laundry everywhere. I have no idea how I will ever cook a real meal ever again. Time seems to fly right out the window, and most of my very small goals (such as eliminating one small pile of paper/junk mail, writing overdue thank you notes) do not get met.
My husband was awesome for the first two weeks. He is now back at work and had quite a bit of catching up to do. He is able to work from home a lot, but I try to manage mostly without him because come the new year, I really will be on my own during the day until I return to work. That somewhat backfired on me, because he started whining about changing diapers, saying that he needed "help." I told him he needed "practice." He does what I ask him to do, but it requires pointing out, i.e. nagging. I have insisted that he handle him in the evening so that I can shower and have a little time to myself. That short amount of time to myself has done wonders for my sanity.
So, if you are expecting your own little miracle expect:
- to have a decided lack of sleep (duh)
- profound joy
- a messy house
- setbacks to your best laid plans
- to bicker with your husband
- to cry at the drop of a hat for the first two weeks, maybe more
- to be irritated at just about everyone, no matter how helpful they might be
- to experience very labile emotions (or is it just me?)
- to be challenged by breastfeeding
- plenty of unwanted assvice
Insist on:
- a daily shower
- family (or whomever you have helping you) helping with more than just the baby.
- some small amount of time to yourself.
If I don't get to drop back in here, I hope all of you have a great holiday season!
4 comments:
I loved this post! It seriously made me feel like I was a fly on the wall during your first weeks with Ben.
I can tell you are doing an incredible job too!! Forget that stack of mail and the laundry. Ben is growing and changing too fast right now to miss out on any of it!!
I cracked up at the "help" vs. "practice" comment. Too funny and I'm sure it is oh so true!! A friend of ours used to say he had to "babysit" his own kids whenever his wife left the house. I think he finally gets that they are his now too. (-;
Thanks for sharing a glimpse into your life as a new mommy.
Great post - I love reading that things are not always rosebuds and bubble baths after the baby comes. Life with a newborn is hard! Above all else, it's obvious that you are just crazy about this little boy!
Yes, ditto. Esp the mess, bickering with husband, and crying at the drop of a hat.
Thank you for sharing an honest glimpse of what you are experiencing. As hard as it is, it sounds like you are doing very well. They say this is the hardest part, once you get through the first weeks, things will get much easier, or easier to handle, anyway. Thanks again!
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