Could really use some pointers on my current sitch. One of my closest girlfriends is pg and due 3 months before me. Her mom is planning to quit her job and raise their child, and she has offered to nanny for us as well. She needs to make X amount of $$ per year, which we would split. The good thing is that I feel very secure leaving my child with her, knowing she will not run off with him and all of that.
However, I am seriously considering returning to work part-time (3 days/week) and would only need her on those days. Maybe one extra day if I need to run errands without the bebe. I am wondering if my friend/mom would be willing to prorate.
If I decide to continue to work full-time, would we alternate homes? The problem with that is that D is allergic to my cat, and I wonder if their child will inherit that allergy. But I feel that if we are splitting things down the middle, we should have some time spent at our home. DH is wondering how important that really is. We live about two minutes apart, so if we had to drop him off everyday it wouldn't be too big of a deal, but if we are splitting down the middle......
Also, I really want to try the Baby Wise thing with my child. How should I handle it if she doesn't adhere to the things I'd like to try? I'd appreciate any thoughts on this matter. It sounded/s like a great idea in theory, but I want to make sure that it will work for the long run. And of course, preserve our longstanding friendship.
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About Me
- kaaron
- Houston, Texas, United States
- My DH and I have been ttc #1 for over two years now. We found that we were dealing with Male Factor Infertility. He had bilateral varicoceles, ejaculatory duct obstruction, and low testosterone. He had surgery to repair the BV and EDO and now takes Arimidex to help with his testosterone. I had an HSG that revealed clear tubes and a arcuate uterus. We did 2 IUIs with Clomid and trigger that didn't work. We also did some CD3 bloodwork that revealed a slightly elevated FSH of 10.6. Everything else was normal. After a month of being drug free, we are beginning the process of IVF. Update: Got our bfp and we are expecting a boy on 11/13/08!
5 comments:
Hiring friends is always tricky. I would lay all your concerns out on the table now and work them through before you make a final decision. Unresolved issues now could make you resentful later.
I would not think of her as a friend right now and work with her the way you would any other potential child caregiver. I might even tell her that you have a standard list of questions that you were planning to use to find a caregiver before this opportunity came along and you would still like to go through your list.
I would also call a couple places and ask how they handle full time vs. part time, etc. just to have an idea of what is normal to expect. I wouldn't like the "splitting" of costs just to make her income a certain amount. She should set a reasonable amount for each of you based on the time she is providing.
I hate to say it too, but I would try to get things in writing. If not a formal contract, at least documented in an email.
Good luck!!
If you are only going to work part time, then you definitely shouldn't be paying the same amount. I say figure out how much she needs and how much that works out per day or hour and then split it that way.
As far as where the baby is, I would keep the baby in one location, it would make for easier adjustments as well as keeping all the baby's items in one location.
Definitely talk to your friend and her mother and discuss all your concerns, and see if everything will work out the way you would like.
Oh girl that is a tough one. I too have conflicting feelings when it comes to who will watch our kids and how it will all work out with me returning to work someday. I hope you come up with something you and your husband are comfortable with.
Hi Kaaron -- I do not know you but linked off a page and was looking at your blog. I now have two little ones and thought I would throw in my 2 cents . . . this could become a quite hairy situation or it could be phenomenal -- from experience I could see how it might be possible that you feel like your child is in 2nd place since it is not her "grandchild." I know this sounds silly but when you are a new mom and you are leaving you kiddo all kinds of craziness run through your little head! I would def. do as your friends have suggested and Lay it ALL on the table and discuss everything up front. What if you do end up going back part time or full time down the road? of what if you decide to let someone else keep your baby? If she is depending on the money, then what would that do to your relationship with her and her daughter -- it sounds great -- but just really think it through! Good luck and congratulations!!!
I'd be worried about the friendship thing. It could be difficult...
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